Work in Progress: Draft 2

IMG_1396I took another run at it today and here’s where we are:

Six Years of Dreaming
(The average person will spend six years dreaming over the course of his or her lifetime)

Sleep is a timid, undemanding lover who thinks
I am frigid and unyielding. Say it, then.
Or just take me
goddam you.

Habit, on the other hand, finds me quite pliable.
I cannot refuse him. He comes with wine
and music, leisure and temptations
mundane, predictable and irresistible.
I tell him I am tired of him
He cannot get enough of me.

I yearn for a new way
and new light, but the confusion – how
does light fit in to a life
that lives so intensely in the dark?

I wish myself somehow different
– maybe more given to rebellion
maybe less. Whatever I need
to break up
with my secrets.
I am not given
to rebellion as I once was
and so it may be hopeless.
I have spent so much longer
on dreams
than I should have done already,
staying awake for bad dreams
and shoving aside good dreams
for habit. I am
a mess.

Sleep has come to do an intervention
bringing with him
common sense, conventional wisdom
intuition … history. All the self-righteous
and smug know-it-alls.
Naturally, I am repulsed.

Dreams – my children, some I have borne
of gentle sleep and some of rough habit.
It is impossible to tell the legitimate issue
from the bastards because I cannot recall
which suitor I gave solemn promises.

2 responses

  1. Man it’s hard to do on the computer, but for you– here goes. A few things:

    This beginning gets me right into the poem, works well!
    “Sleep is a timid, undemanding lover….”
    very nice

    I do miss the ending with the words
    “legitimate issue from the bastards”

    Maybe turning the last lines around
    Dreams–my children,
    some I have borne of gentle
    sleep and some of rough habit.
    I cannot recall which suitor
    I gave solemn promises.
    It is impossible to tell
    the legitimate issue
    from the bastards.

    Another thought: 4th stanza–the multiple use of the word “dreams”
    e.g. instead of bad dreams, how about
    staying awake for nightmares
    and shoving aside fantasies…
    or some such revision, fantasies may not be the best way….. just some thoughts.

    Great revision!

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